I thought I was ok, really. It's not as though I don't think about my mom. I
do and often. Most days it's just a moment of sadness, somewhat bearable
Christmas came and went. I baked, cleaned, ate, laughed, wrapped, shopped,
talked and visited. All was well until the first of January when out of
nowhere, that familiar ache at my heart returned. My nose got itchy as my
eyes filled with tears. I had to stop myself, yet again, from heaving and outright
bawling. How is it that after all this time, grief came knocking at my door?
I wonder about Mom. As a Christian, I don't believe in actually talking to her,
but I ask Jesus to hug her and to let her know I'm thinking about her. I
contemplate what deaths’ LIFE must be like. Knowing and seeing as she must
see today. Is she smiling... waiting for when we show up? Is she visiting with
her own mother and sister?
There are many things that remain a mystery for me.
Still, I am curious.
I'm not ignoring death. After we die it’s a long, long time. Death is but another
step into eternity, its everlasting. So I think about it often. My death, or leaving
this life, will be far longer than the days I have walked this world. I'd better
think about it, prepare for it and get ready. It's not going to be just a short
vacation, followed by my return home. Eternity and heaven will be my new
permanent home. It's nothing to be flip about.
My husband and I talk often about how much time people spend planning here
on earth which is so fleeting compared to the concept of forever. Yet, many
people hardly anticipate dying until; sadly, it's too late to think about it. Some
say it is morbid. What is morbid about awesomeness? Or God? Everything
here is about practicing for the real deal...or SHOULD be. We are ambassadors
to the King who has gone to prepare a place for us: a home. Much as I like
my house, I'm quite sure that the one the King is working on is going to be
Heaven, beyond my imagination...
I miss my mom terribly but I can't help but be more than a little jealous.
"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood. "
Mom is now living in that assurance, she is living her inheritance and in the
presence of glory divine.