Lately I have been contemplating the word “dignity”, it may be because I have also been thinking about my mom. In thinking about her I feel a bit lonely, I miss her unconditional love. By “unconditional love” I don’t mean to misrepresent that she approved of all of my behavior or actions, but I knew that no matter what she loved me. That’s just the way a mother is. I love words and so did mom. We both felt/feel that words had meaning. She was good at games and playing with funny ways to say words. “Pig Latin” was her all-time favorite and she did it better than anyone I knew. “Pig Latin”, for those who don’t know, is when you take the first letter of a word and put it at the end. Mom could rattle off full sentences and oh how she laughed at herself.

As I think about the word dignity I have reflected at how important it was for us to uphold mom’s dignity as her Alzheimer’s took her mind. The word is often associated with death and dying, and rightfully so, but it is an immense word with tremendous meaning.

What does it mean to show or give dignity and what does it mean to have dignity?

Dignity: decorum, decency, respectability, self-respect, poise, honor, character, worthiness, virtue and grace. Dignity meaning: bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.

My mother had dignity and she gave it to others. Perhaps one must have it in order to give it…

The Bible doesn’t have many references to the word dignity but it most certainly infers it over and over again. In the 10 commandments we see that dignity is directly associated with honor. In the first 4 commandments God shows us how to honor and love Him but in the 5th commandment we are told to; “honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” The rest of the commandments show us how to love and honor others. There is an infinite amount of reverence in the commandments.

We give dignity to others when we show them respect. We give dignity to others when we show them honor. We give dignity when we are self- controlled in our behavior and words. We give dignity to others when we poise ourselves in proper decorum, conduct and grace. We give dignity when we pour ourselves out in sacrificial love.

Jesus had dignity. He was and is worthy of all honor, praise and glory. Yet when Jesus was on this earth He had no appearance of dignity, in fact while there are beautiful descriptions of God in majesty in the Bible none of them are attributed to Jesus as He walked on earth. (Many have conjured up false images of Jesus with no Biblical truth.) Jesus the Redeemer that was seen and known while he was here is best described by the prophet Isaiah:

“Just as there were many who were appalled at him- his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond human likeness” Isaiah 52:14

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Isaiah 53:2b-3

Dignity is not what we look like it is our character, our essence. I’d go so far as to say it is in part our joyful eternity in Christ. The Lord Jesus revealed the way to dignity also in Isaiah when He declares:

“Because the Sovereign Lord helps me I will not be disgraced. Therefore I set my face like a flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. He who vindicates me is near.” Isaiah 50:7-8b

The Holy One had confidence in the Father, his words reflected his everlasting trust and shield. Jesus knew who He was; He knew what was being asked of Him by the Father. We would be wise to know ourselves who we are in Christ, what is being asked of us and to stand in truth and dignity no matter what.

Nine days before I lost my mother I wrote this…

“Sometime love is marred beyond recognition…It is here where we come to understand that true love has no boundaries.”

Though I no longer really recognized Mom in terms of her personality (Alzheimer's),  I  still knew her to be my mom. I knew what and who she lived her life for. Mom taught me so much, she stood strong in spite of her environment, the world’s evolving immorality, the disappearance of family values and others dismissal of her Christianity. She was a woman of great dignity.

Since her death I have sorted out many things in my own life. There was a time when dignity was not an aspiration. There was a time when I had no need to self-reflect on what personal character was. There was a time when walking with God was but a causal thought, not an embraced effort. There was a time when if I was hurt by others treatment of me I’d lash out, become a victim. There was a time when I cried for hours because my own perspective was blurred and my conduct was unbecoming. Dignity had no meaning; truth, a plural word not an adherence to conviction and believe.

There were times when prior to her Alzheimer’s mom occasionally slipped into loneliness and depression. I understand it better today. The world is a lonely place, people do not extend honor and grace naturally. Dignity is a forgotten noun. Pride is on the rise…

Thank-you to our family and friends who have bought our book, When It’s All Said and Done. A special thank- you to the many people we don’t know or have not met that bought it on Amazon.com.

For those who have requested that we make it available on e-book, we are in the process of finishing that up. I found a few slight typos and I am working at embedding the words.

I will let you all know via my web site:

https://www.sweetgeorgieannsbooksandwhatnot.com

I will also put a notice on Facebook and Twitter as to how soon as it may be purchased


My overexposure family portrait

SweetGeorgieAnnsBooksandWhatNot

1568 Washington Avenue, Portland Me 04103

https://www.sweetgeorgieannsbooksandwhatnot.com

207-838-1808

Barbie@sweetgeorgieannsbooksandwhatnot.com

 

PRESS RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Barbie DelCamp

 

Barbie DelCamp writes a poignant, honest and touching memoir about her mother’s Alzheimer’s and what not.

 

Author, Barbie DelCamp, a mother and wife living in Portland Maine, shares her and her father’s experiences in the tragedy and loss of her mother through Alzheimer’s. This first publication is entitled, When It’s All Said and Done.

 

Georgie Ann Walizer Forney, the author’s mother, died at 73 years old from Alzheimer’s and related complications. When It’s All Said and Done is an autobiographical account, written in a time frame beginning in 2000, until the death of Georgie Ann. It is written from a Christian believer’s point of view.

 

In When It’s All Said and Done, Barbie DelCamp successfully addresses many of the commonalities in ALL terminal illnesses, as she takes the reader on a sojourn through love, denial, sadness, laughter, despair, loss, grief and finally…hope. This first book is unapologetically forthright, honest and deeply personal.

 

Alzheimer’s, along with its effects on family caregivers and survivors, continues to be one of the fastest growing illnesses among baby-boomers. Contrary to commonly held beliefs, Alzheimer’s disease is not a “normal” part of getting older.

 

SweetGeorgieAnnsBooksandWhatNot is also in the process of publishing children’s books. Georgie Ann was not only a kindergarten teacher, but a “book aficionado” who adored children’s literature almost as much as she loved her Bible.

 

This book can be purchased at:

 Amazon.com

and:

 https://www.sweetgeorgieannsbooksandwhatnot.com

As one of Moms caretakers I have found that my mind often wanders off, reflecting on the years before we lost her. I find myself thinking about all the signs along the way. Much of Moms stuff, packed by her, in boxes labeled, “good junk” has landed at our house. Yes, Mom marked things “good junk.” Whenever she had something that she wasn’t sure of keeping or discarding got set aside in boxes called “good junk” on the assumption that one day she would need it again. Much of that junk appears to be things she thought might be useful for a future gift for someone else.

Like my daughter, Tracy, along with myself, Mom was always on the lookout for “stuff” that she could set aside to give away at some future time.  Mom was a treasure hunter. One of her plastic storage boxes contained Christmas gifts, while another had children’s gifts. A third box held childhood memories and many letters, cards and notes. Mom loved boxes. She introduced me to banana boxes, the kind you go to the grocery store to get. She liked anything that you could use to fill up, put on top of one another or use for storage. As a kindergarten teacher she collected boxes to organize with.

In looking back, I can see Mom playing with her boxes. She would go through them and reorganize. Mom spent hours in her boxes. She would line them up in her bedroom, move them around and pile them up one top of another. She’d move them into straight, orderly lines and methodically rearrange the content within them.  Once done, she would begin again, stretching her mind to accomplish yet a better system. She might remove a few items and transfer them into Ziploc baggies or put a rubber band around a handful of rulers, pens and small pieces of paper, only to return them to a box yet more organized.  

Imagine an early childhood kindergarten teacher with Alzheimer’s. Compulsive, repetitive, childlike…

Alzheimer’s is visual to those who are watching. The signs along the way can leave us with smiles or sadness. They each bear witness to a mind in isolated wonder.

If asked, Mom would smile and explain what she was doing. Her tasks were a total joy to her, 3 to 4 years before we lost her. Mom’s explanations were not easily understood, since she was obviously losing her language skills, but if you were lucky enough to witness her “fun," then you would just hug her as though you understood.

 It wasn’t until the fall of 2011, about 18 to 17 months before we lost her that I noticed her anxiety level raise when attending to her boxes. That fall, Mom seemed to be going through all she owned in her boxes and play things, like she knew this was her last hurrah. I would watch her and attempt to help. When I’d suggest a way to do something she often rejected it. If she was overwhelmed, I would offer to take care of a box. Sometimes she would allow me to bring one home. She would silently think it out and then say that it was a good idea. Mom had boxes full of old pictures and photo albums.  I think she knew they needed safe keeping. In one box I came across a beautiful picture of Mom when she was younger, but it had a tear in it. I asked Mom if I could gently tape the back so it wouldn’t get worse. Mom told me, "no." She was nervous I’d make it worse. Later, she told me to go ahead and attend to the picture with tape. It took her time to comprehend that I wanted to preserve, not harm her picture.

Mom did all this box work that fall in her front porch, right beside the living room. She had an idea about making this area “hers.”

One day, out of nowhere, Mom abruptly stopped all of her organizing. Many with Alzheimer’s suddenly just stop what they are doing. They never return to it again. It’s like watching a connection end, or a light go out…and not turn back on. Once Mom was done, she only looked back from her sitting position on the couch in the living room. She would look into the porch as though seeing something undone, which it was. Dad and I didn’t touch anything of hers that she left unfinished. We left it alone, since it was all her special belongings and it was her room. Mom could look and see herself as in a mirror as it were...she could see her boxes, her books, her knickknacks, paper pieces and notes tapped to the wall or bookshelves.  Occasionally she would walk in and touch something or move it. Only simple things, not the heavy mental organizing she had loved for years…I can still see her eyes lovingly staring into her past, pulling it close to her heart.

Excerpt from  ‘When It’s All Said and Done’

I knew Mom would hold off until God’s perfect calendar, where the Old and New Testament met. Not on Easter, the following Sunday, but today when the blood of the Old Covenant met with the Lamb of God, the real Passover. This was her “white as snow” day, I just knew it.

See, my servant will act wisely; he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted. Just as there were many who were appalled at him-his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being and his form marred beyond human likeness---so will he sprinkle many nations, and kings will shut their mouths because of him. For what they were not told, they will see, and what they have not heard, they will understand.

Isaiah 52:13-15

Just Do It…

Recently someone said to me they have two gears; stop and go. She is the kind of person who goes all day long. She is organized, (that’s a quality I’d pay money for,) and she is accomplished in most of what she endeavors to do. People like her just ‘do it.'

I wrote a book. I wanted to write a book, and I did. Good, bad, indifferent, received, enjoyed or rejected, I just did it. In doing so, I came face to face with doubt, and yes, occasionally grandiosity. Mostly, I came face to face with fear.

I remember when Mom was finishing her Masters’ Degree and had to submit a paper. She called me frequently, consumed with fear. There were times she felt she just couldn’t do it. There were times when she felt that what she was writing about wasn’t good. There were times she worried about what her superiors would think concerning her finished work. Isn’t that just like us to set ourselves up in the end by allowing fear to get in our way? Mom did finish her paper, and Mom did receive her Master’s Degree.

Push on… just ‘do it.’

In writing a book, I did not know anything about how it’s done traditionally. I had no starting point in writers’ conferences, literary agents or editors. I wasn't even aware of such things or groups until I was close to finishing my book.

To this day, I have no idea how to promote or sell my book as this is an ongoing learning experience. Quite frankly a google search on the ‘how to’ of self-publishing is exhausting. I have typed self-publishing in  the search engine many times, the result is 150,000,000 hits in 0.21 seconds on my computer. I find myself unable to keep up with all the directions and suggestions, who would? 

I wrote a book, opened a self-publishing company and faced my fear by pushing on. I said I wanted to, therefore I prayerfully just did it.

The fear that mostly got in my way, besides not really knowing what I was doing, was the fear of rejection and the fearful need to answer my own question throughout, "why am I doing this again?" Ultimately, the fear of rejection is a matter of faith. I am already secure in Christ. Any good that comes from that is in accordance to His will , therefore rejection quickly took a back seat. I was left with, "why, again, am I doing this?" I did it because quite simply, I wanted to. For some reason, I found it important to process and tell our story. Not only the story about Alzheimer’s but my intertwined story about ‘stuff.’ I wanted to tell Mom’s story, Dad's story, and to add another voice in the moving dialogue of what people and families go through.

Barbie

 

 People diagnosed with Alzheimer's are more than three times as likely to die as those without it. (link quote)

Alzheimer’s is often overlooked by many individuals who aren’t dealing with it on the front line. Even those who witness this illness firsthand are often not confronted by Alzheimer’s stark reality. Many who have Alzheimer’s are in homes, hospitals and are cared for by medical personal.  Alzheimer’s heartbreaking portrait can only be understood when we understand that, though it is a neurological illness, its effects are seen in the physical realm.  Think about it... “the mind is a wonderful organ,” is it not? The mind tells your feet to move, it tells her stomach “I am hungry,” it recognizes beauty... The mind tells our arms to hug, and reminds our nerves that heat is present on the stove top. The mind sees and hears words, and translates them to something meaningful.

The mind. What a beautiful thing.

When a person loses their mind they lose everything. I’m not talking about a mental illness, I’m talking about nothingness.

I saw my mother look into a mirror several times and say, in all seriousness, “Who are you?” Mom didn’t see herself, she saw a stranger in the room. At first, when I saw Mom do this I wanted to laugh and make light of it, as Mom was often a jokester, but it was actually not a laughing matter. Mom saw another person in the room whom she did not know and it frightened her. Sometimes Mom looked at Dad and said “When are you leaving?” Mom and Dad were married almost 55 years yet she forgot who he was on many days. Mom kept waiting for this man , her husband,  to leave.

  We use the word 'paranoia' when describing some symptoms of Alzheimer’s but a better way to describe it would be mindlessness. Mom was not paranoid, she was losing her mind and it displayed itself as paranoia. Mom never changed. She was always lovely and pretty even in the end, but she could not recognize herself.

Alzheimer’s is more than just forgetfulness. It eventually spreads within the brain, effecting the section which controls the physical functions. A person with Alzheimer’s may eventually forget how to breathe or swallow. According to the Center for Disease and Prevention approximately 5 million people in the US are living with Alzheimer’s.

Still, many do not know that it is a fatal disease. There is no cure.

This figure is likely higher, since many with Alzheimer’s die from related complications. 

Yesterday my husband and I drove to Penmor Lithographs with our book 'When It's All Said and Done'...Penmor is going to print the book. What an impressive facility! Dave and I got the tour. We saw cool machines and met some of the folks who work there. I said to Dave on the way home, they are all  "rock  stars" at what they do. I cannot thank them enough for treating us to an impressive afternoon. Here's a big shout out to Wayne, Walter, Brian, Steve, Terry and the rest of the staff. You made us feel very welcomed and we are thrilled to leave out project in your capable hands.  

Barbie and Dave

Dotting the i's and crossing the t's... with my husband Dave and our two dogs, Stella Rae and Minnie Mae.


Barbie

Alzheimer's disease is the 6th leading cause of death in the United States overall and the 5th leading cause of death for those aged 65 and older. It is the only cause of death among the top 10 in America without a way to prevent it, cure it or even slow its progression.

We finished editing our book. We are now finishing on the design and format and getting everything completed so that we can print our book! I am saying 'we' because without my husbands devotion and tireless time to this first heartfelt project, I don't know where I'd be. Thank you Dave for your support and wise oversight...

Barbie

   I first met Georgie 17 years ago. She would soon be my mother in law, as her daughter and I married and made our home in Portland, Maine. It was the second marriage for Barbie and me, so I was well familiar with all of the family dynamics which contributed to a marriage. Family gatherings including holidays, birthdays, graduations and barbeques were always attended by Bob and Georgie.

There was never a time where both of my “parents in law” weren’t a joy to be around. I’ve even remarked to Barbie on several occasions that I considered myself lucky and blessed to have such exceptional in-laws.

You’ve no doubt heard, upon occasion, comedic one liners…you know the ones…”mother in law” jokes, which have always been good for a laugh. That’s because we can all relate to the sentiment behind these jokes.

Now, whenever I hear this kind of humor, I just smile to myself…but for different reasons.

You see, none of these dynamics ever existed between me and Georgie. She was a loving, decent, kind, and respectful, woman who exuded all of the qualities you’d hope to see in someone who called themselves a Christian.

I miss her more than words could ever say…

Dave

After Donnie's death, Mom never stopped grieving. She missed her sister with a painful longing. As a result, and perhaps in an effort to fill her desperate void, she began to view me less as a daughter and more as a friend. As time progressed, she shared more and more intimate details of her life with me.

All that Donnie had been to her, I now was. How thoroughly cherished were my last years with her. I had become her sisterhood fortress.

Barbie

 (Excerpt from our book 'When It's All Said and Done')

 I still recall Mom’s coffee moments and how she held her cup between her hands like it was a priceless antique. She’d take a sip and slurp it in delight. Mom’s coffee cup was white with a colorful rainbow across it. The first rainbow appeared in the Bible after the flood along with God’s assurance never to flood the earth again.  Mom cleaved to the promises of God. Each appearance of a rainbow in the sky was a remembrance, to my mother, of God’s vow.

“I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”

Genesis 9:13

I have a lot of parasailing pictures but yesterday I saw this one in rainbow colors which made me think about Mom.

Barbie